About a handful of times in the past year and a half, I've had great life epiphanies in which I truly felt entirely sure I had finally found my calling. First, I wanted to be a music writer. Then, I wanted to be a food critic. After that, it was dog training, of all things. Now, I want to be...a pastry chef.
Aside from the concept that I absolutely loathe waking up early in the morning, I don't know if there's anything I wouldn't love about owning my own bakery and making food that is both pretty, and will make me enormously fat and happy. It sounds rather fun to wake up at 2 AM every morning, and in the quiet wee hours of the day, coming up with strange, delicious concoctions of pastries and cakes that people will buy only from me. I'd love to own a cute shop with a clever name, make my own hours, count my own dollars, and be my own boss. But the reality is that I know perfectly well it would be incredibly hard work, long hours, years of difficult learning, failing, working in stressful kitchens to gain experience, burning myself more than once, and crying over icing. And while I'm on the topic of icing -- I loathe it, and happen to think it ruins the perfect, moist, light fluffy goodness that is cake. It is a mar on the face of baked goods of all kinds. I'm pretty sure that thought would be slightly unacceptable.
And then there's the idea of funding to consider. Where, after moving out, will I ever find the money or time to go to back to school? And I'll have to take business courses to figure out how to run my own bakery, if that's what I really want to do. And then there are the odds to figure -- how many small businesses, especially in this economy, appear and disappear within only a few years? Going in debt for pastry school, followed by a lovely bout of bankruptcy in losing my failing business are not my idea of a good life plan. I'd need to be good and sure it's something I absolutely love with all my heart to make such sacrifices. Are they worth making cake and pie all day?
So while I sit and ponder the idea of taking a local community course on bread making, I'll probably also lose my gusto and discover that my true path does not lie in butter, sugar, and flour. But at least in the meantime, I'll enjoy the little thrill that comes with yet another chance to think "Is this it? Have I finally discovered what I really want to do with my life?". At the very least, I've entertained myself for a short while with thoughts and delusions of success and happiness that I don't know if I'll ever attain.
Showing posts with label epiphany. Show all posts
Showing posts with label epiphany. Show all posts
Monday, January 25, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Day Eight: Lucky Me, I Found a New Emotion Today...
I think throughout this whole happy experiment, I've been pretty honest about my likes and dislikes on a wide range of topics. And with my efforts put forth, I'm relatively confident that I've been able to keep my mouth shut on strong social topics. Sure, I'm a big fan of analyzing and criticizing the behavior of other people, but when it comes to the truly controversial things, I like to stay far, far away. Mostly, this is because I'm too lazy to put up a fight.
But alas, I think I'm going to break that rule today, and I hope this will be the one and only time. So bear with me, this might be interesting.
It bears noting that I am not particularly easily offended when it comes to social jokes and commentary. Like many people, I enjoy a good tasteless joke. And I understand that people with disabilities, maladies, and psychological issues have challenges in their lives that are difficult to overcome, and sometimes more difficult to convey to others. But for the first time in the short years I've lived today, I was on the other side of the joke and I actually had a taste of how it feels.
This morning I was listening to a talk show, and the guest being interviewed was discussing the nature of his specific job, and how he gives others advice on dealing with social situations. Then, he brought up an example: a woman had written to him seeking advice on dealing with a specific malady and when and how she should explain it to others she encountered. The guest, who (like most people) was unfamiliar with her problem, did some research on it, didn't understand how it was a big deal, and actually saw it as an asset. I was momentarily stunned for a variety of reasons.
First of all, I was in shock that someone else who shared my problem was actually a topic of conversation. The problem we share (which is not an STD, thank you very much. I feel the need to make that clear so there's no doubt.) is quite rare and understudied, and as a result, hearing about anyone else who has it in a public forum like that is a little shocking. Secondly, I was a little hurt, that this guest, who claimed to be an expert on such things, could not sufficiently do research. It's not a difficult problem to understand, given five minutes of honest reading, yet somehow this genius managed to miss the entire point of why the problem is actually a problem and not just a condition with a name. Thank you, Asshole.
For the first time in my life, I knew how it felt for people to completely and totally not understand. But at the same time, I wasn't in the slightest bit angry. How could I get angry at people who were very simply just misinformed? Granted, I was a little miffed that the guy whose job was to sufficiently answer this woman's question who reached out to him for advice was clearly too busy and do five minutes of honest research so he might actually help someone, but I got over that pretty quickly.
It was just a very interesting experience. Those brief two minutes that made me feel emotions I hadn't ever felt before gave me a whole new view into a world I'd never seen. I had a flash of cognizance that made me understand why people fight for awareness for stupid diseases that no one has heard of, and why people put stupid magnetic ribbons on their cars. They don't always want people to donate money, or go on charity walks, or go to stupid rallies (though they often do, very much so). Sometimes, they don't even need people to try to understand, because if they don't directly have the problem or are affected by it, such an understanding really isn't possible. They just want people not to misunderstand. They want to hear "wow, that must be terrible," and know that their sympathizer actually means it.
Honestly, I would rather stab myself in the eye with a plastic fork than preach about the rights of others. Sometimes, life just makes you think differently about things than you would have been able to think before.
But alas, I think I'm going to break that rule today, and I hope this will be the one and only time. So bear with me, this might be interesting.
It bears noting that I am not particularly easily offended when it comes to social jokes and commentary. Like many people, I enjoy a good tasteless joke. And I understand that people with disabilities, maladies, and psychological issues have challenges in their lives that are difficult to overcome, and sometimes more difficult to convey to others. But for the first time in the short years I've lived today, I was on the other side of the joke and I actually had a taste of how it feels.
This morning I was listening to a talk show, and the guest being interviewed was discussing the nature of his specific job, and how he gives others advice on dealing with social situations. Then, he brought up an example: a woman had written to him seeking advice on dealing with a specific malady and when and how she should explain it to others she encountered. The guest, who (like most people) was unfamiliar with her problem, did some research on it, didn't understand how it was a big deal, and actually saw it as an asset. I was momentarily stunned for a variety of reasons.
First of all, I was in shock that someone else who shared my problem was actually a topic of conversation. The problem we share (which is not an STD, thank you very much. I feel the need to make that clear so there's no doubt.) is quite rare and understudied, and as a result, hearing about anyone else who has it in a public forum like that is a little shocking. Secondly, I was a little hurt, that this guest, who claimed to be an expert on such things, could not sufficiently do research. It's not a difficult problem to understand, given five minutes of honest reading, yet somehow this genius managed to miss the entire point of why the problem is actually a problem and not just a condition with a name. Thank you, Asshole.
For the first time in my life, I knew how it felt for people to completely and totally not understand. But at the same time, I wasn't in the slightest bit angry. How could I get angry at people who were very simply just misinformed? Granted, I was a little miffed that the guy whose job was to sufficiently answer this woman's question who reached out to him for advice was clearly too busy and do five minutes of honest research so he might actually help someone, but I got over that pretty quickly.
It was just a very interesting experience. Those brief two minutes that made me feel emotions I hadn't ever felt before gave me a whole new view into a world I'd never seen. I had a flash of cognizance that made me understand why people fight for awareness for stupid diseases that no one has heard of, and why people put stupid magnetic ribbons on their cars. They don't always want people to donate money, or go on charity walks, or go to stupid rallies (though they often do, very much so). Sometimes, they don't even need people to try to understand, because if they don't directly have the problem or are affected by it, such an understanding really isn't possible. They just want people not to misunderstand. They want to hear "wow, that must be terrible," and know that their sympathizer actually means it.
Honestly, I would rather stab myself in the eye with a plastic fork than preach about the rights of others. Sometimes, life just makes you think differently about things than you would have been able to think before.
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