About a handful of times in the past year and a half, I've had great life epiphanies in which I truly felt entirely sure I had finally found my calling. First, I wanted to be a music writer. Then, I wanted to be a food critic. After that, it was dog training, of all things. Now, I want to be...a pastry chef.
Aside from the concept that I absolutely loathe waking up early in the morning, I don't know if there's anything I wouldn't love about owning my own bakery and making food that is both pretty, and will make me enormously fat and happy. It sounds rather fun to wake up at 2 AM every morning, and in the quiet wee hours of the day, coming up with strange, delicious concoctions of pastries and cakes that people will buy only from me. I'd love to own a cute shop with a clever name, make my own hours, count my own dollars, and be my own boss. But the reality is that I know perfectly well it would be incredibly hard work, long hours, years of difficult learning, failing, working in stressful kitchens to gain experience, burning myself more than once, and crying over icing. And while I'm on the topic of icing -- I loathe it, and happen to think it ruins the perfect, moist, light fluffy goodness that is cake. It is a mar on the face of baked goods of all kinds. I'm pretty sure that thought would be slightly unacceptable.
And then there's the idea of funding to consider. Where, after moving out, will I ever find the money or time to go to back to school? And I'll have to take business courses to figure out how to run my own bakery, if that's what I really want to do. And then there are the odds to figure -- how many small businesses, especially in this economy, appear and disappear within only a few years? Going in debt for pastry school, followed by a lovely bout of bankruptcy in losing my failing business are not my idea of a good life plan. I'd need to be good and sure it's something I absolutely love with all my heart to make such sacrifices. Are they worth making cake and pie all day?
So while I sit and ponder the idea of taking a local community course on bread making, I'll probably also lose my gusto and discover that my true path does not lie in butter, sugar, and flour. But at least in the meantime, I'll enjoy the little thrill that comes with yet another chance to think "Is this it? Have I finally discovered what I really want to do with my life?". At the very least, I've entertained myself for a short while with thoughts and delusions of success and happiness that I don't know if I'll ever attain.
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