Day Fourteen: Kristen Potter and the Curse of the Thrifty

I'm pretty ridiculous when it comes to spending money. That is, I really, really don't like it. But I try not to let it get in the way of living a sufficient life. Oh sure, I have absolutely no problem shelling out money for the important things, like gas, food, and occasional fun, but when it comes to buying things for myself, I get start to get nervous and indecisive. I usually end up talking myself out of it whatever purchase I wanted to make, no matter how small. Sure, it's a whole lot better than being outragously lax with my money and ending up in debt, but is hoarding my money bad too? Am I missing out on things in life because I'm extremely protective of my money?

I'm actually quite generous when it comes to money involving other people -- I'll almost always put in more money than I think is necessary on a restaurant bill to cover my part, I have no trouble spending a lot of money on a gift for someone, and I will not rest until I get money to someone I owe it to. But for some reason, I just cannot spend money on myself as easily as I feel I should be able to. Why am I constantly living in fear that I won't have enough money to do what I have to do?

I think this stupid reasoning I have is what is creating my fear of moving out of my parents' house. I have a goal in mind with an amount of money I want to have before I leave, and if I don't reach it, I'll be terrified that I won't be able to eat. When I buy things, even if they're very much on sale, I always doubt my purchases and feel insanely guilty afterwards. What gave me this complex? While it will pay off in the end with large purchases I make and my quality of life

down the road, isn't there something just a little bit twisted about not being able to buy a DVD without hating myself for a day or two afterwards? I think I have some issues. I would love to know where this came from and how to better manage it. Is this the kind of thing I need therapy for? Am I just a little sick, or am I just very responsible?

I guess I'll find out once I actually start having real expenses that will take up a huge chunk of my income. Until then, I'll keep staring in disdain and disgust at that $9.00 shirt I bought from Target yesterday, or those three books I bought for 60% off. Curse you money, curse you.