As I was riding in the car today through the pooring rain on the way back from a delightful breakfast with my mother, I was thinking about how unhappy I've been lately. I can't really identify what's making me so blue, but I know that I am definitely not feeling like myself. But although I know I'm out of sorts, I'm apparently a lot more unlike myself than I realized. On the phone yesterday, my boyfriend asked me several times in a 30-minute conversation what was wrong. "Are you okay? You're acting really odd. I've never seen you like this." It freaked me out. Sure, I felt a little stressed, but how could I be acting so strange and not even have the slightest idea?
A combination of work stress, moving stress, and emotional stress put me in a funk, but really, how weird am I acting? Although I definitely believe depression is a real condition, I'm 100% sure I'm not afflicted by it. Everybody gets in a weird way every once in awhile. Although I've definitely noticed I've been snapping at people more, my patience has been worn threadbare, and my tolerance for stupidity and inconsideration are virtually non-existent lately, I didn't realize I've been acting to strangely that people around me are noticing. Getting a little moody every once a few months is pretty common for me, so I can't imagine how weird I must be acting for those around me to take notice that I'm acting very much out-of-character.
So I'm going to plow through my annoying times and tolerate as much as possible. I'll try to relish life's little happy circumstances, like the concept that I don't have to appear at court for jury duty this week, or that maybe, just maybe, my week will be a little easier than planned. In the meantime, I'm going to ponder what exactly in my life is making me such a grouch, and what I can do to fix it. Maybe I'm finally starting to lose what's left of my mind.
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