Day Thirty-Five: Me vs. Taquitos

Due to a freak one-foot snowstorm that attacked Southern New Jersey this weekend, my cousin and I were extremely limited in our entertainment for the weekend. So when the white stuff started to fall out of the sky at 11 AM, ominously and steadily sticking to cars, roads, and grass, we looked at each other and said, "uh oh". With a small sense of panic and enormous ambition, we created a list of things we would most definitely need if our party would be snowed inside. So, off to the liquor store and the grocery store we went. The bounty that we returned home with was of enormous and very impressive proportions. I myself alone bought three boxes of Girl Scout cookies, 3 avocados, guacamole mix, Triscuits, and a bottle of Raspberry vodka. Not too bad, right? Definitely the makings of a feast of indigestion, but not awful yet. My cousin, however, bought a bag of chips, another box of Triscuits, Taquitos, pretzel bites, ice cream, more vodka, and for the sake of not feeling too guilty, a bag of carrots. Now, we were facing a frightening buffet of gassiness.

We started by splitting the box of Taquitos for a late lunch. The serving size, mind you, is three. We each ate ten. This was followed by a food coma and laying on the middle of the hardwood floor groaning in discomfort. But oh, we weren't done yet. After a brief respite, I made up some lovely guacamole, and promptly ate half of it. My cousin ate a third of it, and then ate a handful of Girl Scout cookies, then passed out. Now, we were starting to feel a little sick. But a couple of hours later, after some carrots and a nap, we decided it was time for dinner. But nothing we bought was worthy of being our biggest meal of the day. So in the snowstorm, we ordered two personal-sized pizzas, complete with melty, cheesy, greasy goodness. I ate two pieces and could not get off the couch for the rest of the night.

My cousin, however, was a stronger opponent than I. She made herself a bowl of low-fat ice cream with Girl Scout cookies on the side, as I watched in dismay and nausea. I felt awful, I looked awful, and I am now still recovering, with the aid of some vegetables and lots of water. What have I learned from my fun-filled, gluttonous weekend of deliciousness? The body was definitely, absolutely, not made to run solely on boxed Taquitos, processed food, and pizza alone. There's a reason vegetables have been such a staple of our diet for so long. I did not manage to feed myself anything yesterday that my body could use as fuel to keep myself going throughout the day. To me, it's like trying to run your car on bacon grease.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid: I did know before that what I was doing to myself wasn't a good idea. But never before in my life have I eaten that terribly for such a long period of time. I now know where my threshold lies, and I think I came very close to crossing it. So now I'm on a health kick, not because I feel guilty, but because I feel half-dead. Come on vitamins, get in my belly and help me function as a human being.