Day Sixty-Six: I Don't Know How To Argue

One day at work, while sitting and enjoying lunch with my two friends, an uncomfortable conversation ensued. One of my friends, who is a practicing Catholic, was complaining that she couldn't eat a cheeseburger because it was a Friday, and on Fridays during Lent, Catholics can't eat meat, as part of it being a sacrificial season. My other friend looked at her in disdain and said, "MMM, boy, this meat is REALLY GOOD." This is not a new topic of disagreement between the two of them. One thinks she has no say in the matter, and the fact that she is Catholic dictates her actions such that she must fast in such a way. The other, who I am inclined to agree with, thinks that she has absolutely no right to complain because it is a choice she makes as part of her religious beliefs, but she is not at all obligated by any force outside of her control. She may not be able to control her beliefs, but she can absolutely control her actions, and if it weren't difficult, it wouldn't be a sacrifice and that would defeat the purpose.

In any case, I was tired of being in the middle of this bitter point of contention between the two of them. "We are not having this conversation again," I said briskly, trying to avoid the awkward situation that had already occurred twice in the past two weeks.

My Catholic friend looked at me and said, "you really don't like confrontation, do you?" In a state of shock, I thought for a moment. "Well, no," I said. I didn't. But I also didn't want to be put in the middle of another argument that I did not want to be a part of. "You know what bothers me about you?," she asked me. Startled and shocked that she was annoyed at ME at that moment, I defensively protested. "You don't know how to argue."

I didn't know how to argue? My other friend looked at me in an effort to elaborate. "You're not Italian, are you?," she asked. In truth, I'm about 1/4 Italian and had an Italian grandmother, but I didn't have any characteristics of being of strong Italian culture. I asked them, in piecing the conversation together, if that's just naturally how Italians argued, then. They both agreed.

Apparently, Italians can argue for hours on end without having feelings of actual anger towards another person. This is completely foreign to me.

How can you have a point of annoyance towards someone and not feel slightly angry towards them? I was utterly confused.

But apparently, I don't know how to argue.